Do you ever reflect on your past and wish you could save your younger self? Or do you wish you could tell your younger self the things you know now? Once in a blue moon, I catch myself going through memory lane and thinking to myself, “What were you even thinking, Stephanie?”
Now I have a daughter who had the same spirit as me when I was her age. After years of dodging reflecting on my past, being too stubborn, or having a hard time accepting my mistakes, I’m ready to reconnect with my younger self.
Dear baby girl,
I can’t believe it took me this long to reconnect to you. I never forgot about you, I think about you constantly, but I will admit I am scared to go back to a time where I didn’t know who I was as a person. I know things aren’t easy, but I can tell you that everything will be okay. Trust me.
I heard you recently found your true love and you couldn’t be happier. He is everything you wanted, and you think you found the one.
But do you really feel that way?
I mean, you are only 19-years-old. You haven’t seen the world yet. This man treats you nice, but baby girl I know he hurts you when no one is around. You might not think no one sees what’s under your makeup, but I see the black eye he gave you. You think it’s okay and that maybe it was you that made him angry enough to do it to you.
I couldn’t imagine living every day being in love with someone when you don’t love yourself. Every fight and disrespect was maybe the only way you could learn that you deserve more.
What I can tell you is that ten years from now.
You will meet someone who will cover your bruises with love. The nights you were alone and crying will be replaced with lying next to your real true love. You will hear his heartbeat while you lay with your head on his chest. Every second of misery, every bad relationship you every have will make you stronger. I know it’s tough, but I know you will make it at the end.
I can tell your friends mean the world to you.
How could you not when every single second and minute you want to be with them. There is nothing like going to the mall and singing karaoke in the car, trying to find the next adventure.
But are they really your real friends?
You always said you wanted to leave this small town, spread your wings, and become the person you dreamed of.
Granted, these friends’ life is their own, but don’t you feel like you are slowly losing yourself trying to fit in? They are nothing like you; they don’t hold the same value as you, so why sacrifice your life for them? It’s hard to cut people off, but baby girl, you will grow into greatness and have a life filled with people who deserve to be around you. You will find friends who will build you up when you feel shattered inside. When you feel like you can’t make it to the finish line, they are the ones to hold your hands and guide you to the end.
I want you to enjoy your moments with them and filled them with fun memories. You will look back and laugh at the good times you had, but I need you to think of who you want to be with at the finish line.
And lastly, baby girl, you are beautiful.
I know you don’t feel like this at this moment. All you want to do is be like the girl you see on tv. You hate your body. You see all the flaws you have. I can tell you, someone out there will love you just the way you are.
The weeks you go without eating will not give you the satisfaction you are looking for. Your body had gone through a lot trying to perfect itself when all you had to do was open your eyes when you look at yourself in the mirror. When I look at you, I see a strong girl; I see a powerful girl that has gone through a lot.
When you walk with your head down, remember to push your shoulders back and keep your head high. No one from your past will be in your future.
That’s how much you have changed over time.
Every dream that you ever thought will come to a reality.
Every prayer you whispered, will come true.
Do you want to know what your future will be like?
Ten years from now, you will be a mom to the most beautiful little girl you have ever seen before. Remember the times you were weak? Well, this beautiful little girl of yours only sees a superwoman. Everything you wished you could have you for your life is the qualities of you will see in your daughter.
Baby girl, thank you for taking every path you took.
Thank you for being strong enough to make every mistake you made and turning into something good. I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you. I owe it to myself now to make you proud. To take everything I know now and continue to make our dreams come true.
It’s time to let go of you and start a new chapter. I will never forget about you; you will always be in my heart. I would never change anything you did because those mistakes are the reason why I am here today.