I am a first-time mom of a precious little boy named Noah.
We welcomed Noah in April of this year. Thinking about the end of my maternity leave makes me feel a level of sadness and guilt I have never felt before. Those feelings actually started even before our little boy entered this world.
Some would say an easy solution is to just stay home, but it’s not that easy.
I always knew I wanted kids and I decided to get established in my career before starting that journey. I love my career and I would actually consider myself a workaholic. My career gives me a sense of balance and fulfillment. I have been working since I was 14 so its always been a part of me.
When I thought about having kids I never wanted to have to put them in daycare at just a few months old. That broke my heart but stopping my career also didn’t sit well with me.
What I fear, which leads to feeling guilt, is not being a good enough mom.
Not being there enough for Noah, failing at being a wife and sibling, not contributing enough to my community, and not doing good at work.
Why do I have these feelings even before I go back to work?
Why can’t I just enjoy the moment and enjoy my time with Noah?
I decided to do some searching to find how to best deal with all of those feelings I was struggling with. I found that I am definitely not the only woman out there going through this and there is a lot of support and resources out there.
We put so much stress and expectations on ourselves.
I didn’t have a child in order to spend my life full of harsh feelings of guilt. I wanted children to enrich my life. I am now motivated to dig into these resources and to connect with women that are going through the same things or that have been in a similar situation. I know that Noah will be ok and that perfection is not achievable.
I will live in the moment now and cherish this stage of life.
Its time for all of us struggling with this to reclaim our right to enjoy our kids and our lives. We must dig into our hearts and uncover the destructive forces that are driving the feelings of guilt.